Helloooooo to you all and welcome to 2018!
As if it is February already !!! that is crazaayyyyyyyyyyy.
* curiously asking myself what have I even been doing all January ?*
( I CHOSE THE PICTURE OF MY BEAUTIFUL NANNA WHO HAS JUST BEEN TAKEN BY THE ANGELS BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES, I remember that Christmas 2014 she came and had flashing Santa earrings in and she had to take them out because they wouldn’t stop singing and flashing!) she was so cute 💛 ( I miss her so much!)
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year! <yes> I apologise it is very late but I am finally able to sit down and explain what has being going on, if you’re interested then keep on reading. .
( Grab a cup of tea as we like to say in good old Yorkshire and the biscuits, time to spill the tea.. or coffee .. works both ways.. )
So, the last blog post I put up was a review and I had also scheduled myself to write some other things I was really excited to do but then things gradually started to go from a reasonable state to a downwards spiral. But I received my GCSE Results and I tried my best but things going on around affected me from revising to the best possible I could but I don’t think they reflect you in any way shape or form but I still got on to a level 3 extended diploma course?! So well done. No matter the result I’m still proud of you for actually sitting them exams !! No matter what you have done it and that’s all that counts!
I’ve tried to sit down in my spare time where I feel is appropriate but always left it in my drafts because I hadn’t a clue on where to start. But to explain what is going on and why I have been so distant .. that is involving on social media .. I aren’t saying it like I have a huge following or anything but I thought *you* there looking at your screen would want to know why I haven’t posted since the back end of last year. But I now feel to just do it and to just give you a proper explanation on what has been and is currently happening in my life.
So the basics, family relatives being unwell and having to come to terms with having to deal with it, my step grandad moved in with us after being really unwell in hospital and stayed for a month and a half and then he was still able to see my grandma down in the nursing home where she was at, which was really good and I liked being able to show my care to him and that he is a huge part of my life.
I started college in September not knowing how I was going to react to the changing of school to the big wide world … I was not expecting it to be as * thrown in the deep end * some would say..but I really do not like it . I started college studying a level 3 extended diploma in Health and Social care , when originally I wanted to do media makeup, etc but due to peoples opinions and views I thought I had to do what I was told was best. So even though I went to the interview and got a place doing what I really wanted to do I thought the right idea was to change and that is what I did … so anyway I think I thought trying something new and as everyone says to just try it out ! So with the anxiety hung over me 24/7 it was hard but I tried my very best to stick out at it! When I was younger I used to be bubbly outgoing and loved meeting new people etc but I was a nervous wreck, many things a rose from it and many stories happened which I still remember being a nightmare but then something clicked 110% and I knew I didn’t want to do what I was doing anymore, our friendship group was having a messy time once again and I distanced myself away from them and to focus on myself for a change .. it was so hard. I met some nice new people which are lovely, but majority after about a month I found out what they were like etc and it wasn’t for me.
It got harder. My anxiety seemed to have hit back to the lowest, I spend days going to sleep at like silly O’clock like 8 am after staying up all night and sleeping all day , feeling so depressed and down like I had nothing to get up for, I’d spend time just in my room or alone in my bed and didn’t bother with my self appearance makeup, hair etc . It was really hard. ( I would like to go into more detail on my mental state in another post) but I generally didn’t know what to do anymore I honestly sunk so low I hadn’t a clue on what to do?! I cried every single day. Coming back from breaks away made me worse even though my mum thought it would help I just was in a right mess and I was trapped I didn’t know what to do and how to get myself out of the situation I was in. Anyways family and college life was real low. Everything happening seemed to affect me a huge lot. On a up note back on my birthday I turned 17! I had a really lovely birthday! I got my first car 🚙 which I named Melvin ( don’t ask! ) ☺️ I love him! He is a Vauxhall Corsa Breeze Special Edition D something or another in a silvery light blue grey colour ! Love it, and I’ve been learning on the roads since and I’ve been doing pretty good I guess. My confidence on the roads have improved a lot! I had a really lovely birthday though all in all and not long after that I had a lovely week away to my favourite place Liverpool after cancelling back in the summer because of family issues, we went and had an amazing week away in a lovely apartment! Cannot wait to go again this year in May.
It’s been very hard. But you just have to keep going and get along with things!
There is other issues in can’t go into detail with but just because I’ve not spoke about them don’t think that they’re not happening. I’m sure I will at some point clear everything up altogether.
Unfortunately, we started this year, and towards the end of the first month of January. My beautiful grandma passed away. She has been ill with many things over a number of years and she just got worse to the point where you couldn’t take no more. She’s out of pain up above with the angels now. I saw here before she left us and then I went and saw her at the chapel of rest and I was traumatised but it was the right thing to say goodbye and everything else and then 8th February we had the funeral for her and it was so sad but she had a lovely send off. I thought I could handle it all but I was torn. It still hasn’t sunk in and I cannot get my head around the fact I will never see her again💖 I will remember all the beautiful memories we had together and shared and I will never forget them , they’re very funny to remember and very lovely and that’s something I’ll cherish! It is really hard and it is really difficult to deal with but now we have my Step grandad to focus on and make sure he knows we love him and that we’re there as he doesn’t have nobody else.
I hope this has cleared a few things up for you and you understand where I’ve been and what’s been going on?!
But this year I hope to make myself happy and get back on track with things.
I’ve started back on my weight watchers to lose the weight I need to !
It will be hard but it will be worth it!
I’ll be writing another blog post later on and hopefully it will be up for either later on or tomorrow.. but I just wanted to explain to you and let you know of why I’m back and why I’ve not been so active on such things of my blog and social media!
It is crazy to think less than a year ago I started a fresh blog as I’d never been happy with past ones. And I’ve nearly hit 100 followers I’m like 4 away ! I’m so proud of myself ! I cannot wait to start a youtube channel in the near future because I’ll post consistent videos and I’ll be proud I’m actually doing it but first before doing all of that I really need to take a look at my life and sort it all out and make my grandma proud up there!💗
I hope you are all well❤️
Thank you so much for reading and understanding,
Lots of love 💛 keep smiling xxx
(Currently making a new layout for my social media name changes etc) ( but for now )
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